Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
