You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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