He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
