Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
