The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
