Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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