You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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