Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
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For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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