Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
