I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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