I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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