Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
