My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
