I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
