wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
