There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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