He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
