fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
3pm strippers are depressing
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
