He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
