kristin has been a bad kristin
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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