My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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