sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
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I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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