At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
