I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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