you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
