So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
