Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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