why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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