I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
