Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
