Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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