i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
