so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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