Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
