I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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