my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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