i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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