i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
