i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize