shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
