Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
