My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
