I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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