i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
