when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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