yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
