I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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