i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
