Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
