theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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