By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
