you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
