i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
