A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
