It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize