my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
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