So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
