we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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