If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
