At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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