what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
