I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my sisters under your porch take her home
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
