Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
