Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
