Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
