The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize