she woke up with a sticky ear
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
