at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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