this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
