when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
