I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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