took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You ruined the universe
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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