i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
