You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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