You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
