At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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