Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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